enough mong-kay biz.
my mom is back. she arrived 5:30 am last tuesday. she didn't go home straight and went somewhere else. where else? im sorry if im making it sound like it was bad.. but no. i understand anyway. i understand that she cant be where dad is. well. she doesnt want to see dad. she doesnt want dad to see her. why? she'll only be collecting insults and disgusting comments or whatevers from him. even if the 'children' are around. god. you dont know how much dad enjoys insulting her. you have no idea. you have no idea..
the stuff dad says about mom hurts. how he insults her. he fucking treats her like trash.
he has a woman anyway. some ugly woman with a pretty chest. what else would the man want from her? the woman gave birth by the way. yes, i have a half brother. this woman is dad's third, btw. mom's second but it's quite.. decent. legal because his first woman, the mom of my kuya, left him.
mom said she'd fetch me later.. her arrival's a surprise.. more of, not wanting dad to know that she's back. i made dad believe that mom will be back after summer. yes. critical things huh? i keep my mom's secret.. from my dad.
where did my mom come from? fremont, california. why? she wanted to work. when did she go there? january 23 of this year... and now. she. is. back.
i should be happy.. i know i should be. cause hell, she is happy. she was so excited of coming back here. but the problem is her husband. who is my dad. hah.
sigh.. talked to her on the phone yesterday. said that she'll fetch me from school. today, she will. that's what she said. i hope she does.
sorry, magulo ba ako magkuwento?
her friend told me so many things. si mommy, ang laki ng pinayat. she was comparing mom to Palito. my god.. i dunno what to think. i dunno what to say. she is effing thin and pale. and weak.
sometimes i wish i live separately.. with my mom.. since dad's for financial stuff lang, we dont really need him around right? what with his woman and his new baby boy. wow. is that where our money goes?
i learned to be thankful that i am in college and i am down to two years. i will do my best not to screw up and keep it to two years. those two years lang. i might kill myself if i take longer here. time's running.
sigh. anyway.. our house sa blumentritt was bought by a tawi-tawi chinese mayor. yes. dad, being so smart, gave all the furniture and left nothing to his mother... yes, my lola. indeed. my lola. so lola dear asked him nicely if she can have the bed. the bed which she shared with my lolo when he was alive. so what did she fucking get? TEARS.
yes. she ended up crying. lola.. ended up crying. she could have died asking for the bed. she explained that it has a sentimental value to her but dad refused.
this, he said to her: anong sentimental value??!! may sentimental value ka pang nalalaman!! putanginang matanda ka.
wala ako masabi. nangiyak nalang ako sa telepono.
right now im thinking that i am scared even though im not feeling scared. i know what my dad is capable of. he can kill his own mother.. he can even kill my mom. sigh. the friend said that dad almost hit lola's head with a fucking gun. uhm. im thinking that it's daddy's toy gun. he was looking for it last week. i guess it's what he uses to threaten people. but he does have a gun. there are bullets scattered at home.. there are some in my room, maybe. i found one.
i dont know what to do. sigh.
the friend said that she will bring me and my mom to lola's house at abad santos. i told her that people might see me and tell dad. the people there are fucking suck-ups. right now i am not prepared for another fight with dad like last time. he's my dad. the king of TNTs during his japan days. i actually picture him as some well-known criminal underground. people there respect him. or show respect to him.. because he has money? sigh. because he owned that big house and his friend is that mayor? because a mayor's son owes him money? because he has millions? because .. i dont know. i cant think.
because he's a barbaric fucking bastard. people are scared of him because they perfectly know what dad is capable of. his woman, btw? originally, he was courting the woman's younger sister. yes. young, fresh, everything a married man would desire? i dont know. but that sister knows how much of an ass dad is. so she didnt give my dad a chance. dad ends up with the elder sister. the woman with a *great* chest. the woman who wears sleeveless and short shorts like any other low class whore. ah yes, a whore. japayuki daw eh. she gave birth not too long ago.
sigh. the friend said that lola wants to talk to my mom this weekend. and that means that i should be around too.. lola said that she'll confess. she has so much to tell. guess she thinks it's time for her to spill..
it's not only her who knows stuff. the people there know. people there know lots.... except us. the.. i dunno. primary family?
lola's relatives living in bulacan know a lot about this shit. how dad treats her. sigh.. sinumpa na siya ng buong angkan ng lola mo sa garay. yeah. exact words yan ha. the friend saw the woman. she said the woman has a body, that's all. coca cola body. no more.
i have so much to face.. if dad finds out that i know.. i dunno. sometimes i wish he'd have a heart attack and just die.
i am sorry for wishing for my fathers's death. i wish mom had a stable job. so that i wont have to live with dad. i think my sisters will be okay with dad. im sure that they will be taken care of. im sure that they will be safe... but then again. i know what he is capable of. but i know that somewhere in his mind, he wont do anything that will hurt my sisters and my brother. my brother is very attached to me, by the way. he is the only reason why i abandoned my plan of moving to a dorm or condo near school. if i were rich, i would buy a condo unit at quezon avenue or north edsa. i will take my brother and my mother with me. my sisters will be fine with my dad. they will soon be in college anyway.
i dunno anymore..
